My Cart

Close

Foot Porn!

Written by Jonny London

• 

Getting ready for the gym a few weeks ago, I put on an FKN Gym Wear sleeveless, a pair of FKN shorts, an FKN hat and snatched my FKN towel.

I grabbed a pair of socks and a black pair of Vans and headed for my living room to finish this fashion masterpiece, when I realised something wasn’t quite right.

The socks I grabbed were Nike…

It had never really occurred to me before this moment, but I was mismatching my entire wardrobe.

I’m a lifter, not a runner or tennis player or whatever the hell else they sell too…I’m a FKN LIFTER, so what the fk am I doing wearing sports socks??

I put everything on hold.

I downed my pre-workout while skipping down two stairs at a time and ran to my computer.

I tripped on a chair and stubbed my naked, but handsome toe.

I let out a yelp that sounded like someone rubbing two balloons together…but I didn’t care.

FKN Gym Wear needed to make socks, like right NOW!

I opened up Photoshop and began designing the awesome.

Two socks, two incredible earth shatteringly sexy socks that would change the game for man and lady lifters for all time is what I had in my mind.

    • They need to be comfortable
    • They need to be the perfect length
    • They need to be a perfect fit
    • They need to have just enough science, to make them scientific!

      Wearing one sock and with blood gushing from my big toe, I pushed on.

      Tapping the keys, moving the mouse, the pre workout starting to kick in I decide to run back upstairs and do the dishes.

      My soapy wrists give me an idea.

      White socks.

      White socks with black stripes.

      White socks with black stripes and the letters ‘FKN’ delicately woven at the exact right size and position…

      Back to the computer!

      I shut pornhub…OK, I minimised pornhub and reopened Photoshop.

      The dark room lit only by the LCD screens of my computer and with the classic 80’s montage track Dangerzone playing in the background, I dramatically wipe my glistening brow with my forearm and wryly smile…

      They’re magnificent.

      My pre-workout now completely having me by the balls, I know I may be killed while driving 180kms/hr to the gym, so I delete my internet history and grab my keys.

      Of course, it was an incredible workout and then I ate a delicious meal with a woman who as I found out an hour later in my Mercedes, wasn’t wearing any underwear.

      Best day ever.

      Comments

      All blog comments are checked prior to publishing